Worst Case Scenario-ing

My first acting role was in my very first year of school, as a five year old. (Yes I still remember it clearly). We were either at the local stadium or the school’s sports ground and various acts were showcasing at the same time so people would walk around the grounds watching what they wanted to watch then move on to the next. This meant our act was on repeat, each time we finished we would take a short break and start afresh (see I do still remember it clearly!). I was the wife, my husband was away working at the mines. He had only just started working, things had been rough before then. So when he sent money the first time he warned me not to waste it, to just get the essentials and save the rest for umhl’ozayo (which is Xhosa for ‘rainy days’). The play opened with me receiving yet another envelope from my husband, commenting about how great he was, how he didn’t forget every month and how this money was growing. The next scene I got a visitor, a well-dressed gentleman I had never seen before. I invited him in, offered him tea and then he told me his name was … Umhl’ozayo! He said that my husband had sent him to collect a parcel. With great joy I handed him the stash of money and wished him well. A few days later my husband returned home and after catching up I told him about his nice friend, expecting praise for being such a reliable wife. You can imagine my confusion when he fainted instead.

For some reason I have never forgotten this play. And when I think about it now that was quite a heavy message for a kids’ play.

But have you noticed how we seem to live in a world dominated by fear? Think about it, most of our conversations, news reports and even our decisions are driven by or informed by fear. We seem to live in a world where we must always prepare for the worst.

When planning for something, chances are your planning will not be complete until you have considered a few what-ifs. And this seems practical, I mean you don’t want to be caught in the rain with no umbrella. This seems to be a theme in most areas of life these days. You live in a multi - locked house with; high walls, an electric fence, a panic button, armed response, burglar bars, a dog, a gun and a taser … just in case they break in. And you still don’t sleep much so that you may hear them when they try to come in. The insurance industry is capitalises on fear. You spend thousands on insurance in case you get into a terrible accident and your house burns down suddenly and you lose your job unexpectedly and you get some very rare form of cancer and you die and leave behind your children starving etc.

I call this Worst Case Scenario-ing.

Worst Case Scenario-ing seems prudent and sensible. We often hear phrases like ‘one can never be too careful’. It is actually really unhealthy. Preparing for and always expecting the worst case possible fills you with fear and anxiety and a lot of negative hormones. It makes you irrational and you tend to overanalyse everything, always on hyper alert in case things go wrong. You become risk averse and everything becomes a sign. Living in anticipation of the negative deprives you of fully enjoying the moment.

Strangely though there is also a morbid level of ‘relief’ when the anticipated worst does eventually happen because; firstly, you are proved right and secondly, you figure there is no need to stress anymore now that the worst has happened.

I believe many of us have areas where we are Worst Case Scenariorists. We have one or even a few areas where we allow the fear to dominate.

One of mine is in relationships. I live with this fear of abandonment, that the person that I love will suddenly stop loving me and it will somehow be my fault. I live in constant fear of driving people away. So I usually work really hard at being the best friend or girlfriend or sibling or daughter etc. that I can be, showing people that I am worth their love. I am constantly trying to earn the love. Every fight or disagreement or shutting me out or ignoring me becomes a sign and I am quick to read the signs. I am never completely surprised when someone does stop loving me or leaves, even though I may be terribly hurt, because you see deep down I knew they were going to. They always do! (Sometimes, when I see the signs, I do the leaving first to save a bit of face!)

Being a worst case scenariosist is really hard. It is heavy, it is painful and is very lonely. I find I struggle letting people who have ‘left’ back in, even family, in case they do it again. Even if I continue interacting with them I keep them at arm’s length. What’s that they say about once bitten, twice shy!

Now before you psycho-analyse me, I know where mine comes from and I am trying to work on it. Question is, do you know what yours is and how it is currently impacting your life?