The Barbie Room Experience

The other day I went to a braai at a friend’s new home. They had recently moved and were having a house warming / thanksgiving event. There were about twenty people there, largely couples with their children. I was there with two of my friends with my friend’s four year old daughter. Before the end of the day I asked to be shown around the house as I love beautiful homes. The four year old girl was with us as we went oohing and aahing from room to room. Something fascinating happened when we got to the owner’s little girl’s Barbie themed room though. My friend’s daughter walked into the centre of the room, in awe and started walking around, almost in a trance, enthralled by what she was seeing. It turns out that, at that age, the Barbie doll is a bit of a hero. So for her, stepping into a complete Barbie world was almost an out body experience. She was touching things, picking up, putting down and simply could not get enough of the room. When it was time to move to the next room my friend’s daughter would not leave the Barbie room. She needed to linger just a little longer. It took a bit of coaxing to get her out of the room and by then it was clear to all of us that we would have a situation in our hands. So we decided to call it a day and go home.As soon as we got into the car she asked her mom why she did not have her own Barbie room like the other girl. The mom replied that that she would get her her own room soon. The little girl was adamant though and needed to know exactly when this would happen as she wanted the room now. It seemed the more the mom tried to console her, the more persistent she became. And then she started crying, not understanding why her mom was refusing to get her the Barbie room. I felt really bad for my friend. How does one explain to a four year old that a Barbie room is not a priority at the moment as one has more pressing issues to deal with? I also felt bad for the little girl though. Barbie is clearly a favourite and if your own mother cannot give you the desires of your heart then who can you turn to? There was a part of me that also felt like she was feeling, (the child, not the mother). Once again I had found myself in the company of couples and I was one of the few singles. Once again I was one of the ones with no husband to spend a Sunday afternoon with. Being surrounded by all those couples was a reminder of my seemingly perpetual single status and I could not understand why. And part of me was also wondering why God would not give me my own husband as He had the other women. As much as I understand that God must clearly have a plan for me, that knowledge is not always enough. So at times I have my own Barbie room experience. This got me thinking, we all have our own Barbie room experiences. We all have that one thing that we deeply long for which seems illusive. It may not even be the actual Barbie room. The Barbie room is but a symptom of a deeper need. Admit it, how often has it happened that you finally get that which you would have killed for and then you realise that you still want…something. I could wake up to the husband, dog, picket fence and Porsche Panamera (yep I aim high) and still have the longing. Because, you see, my longing has to be deeper than just someone to go to a Sunday braai with. So I have come up with a 4 step process of what to do when encountering your own Barbie room, I will use my deep longing as an example: 1. Start by asking yourself what your Barbie room longing is. - As mentioned mined is currently for marriage. 2. Next work on trying to figure out what it actually signifies. - I think for me it represents a sense of belonging, feeling wanted and needed by someone. It also normalises me, getting married and having a family is what ‘normal’ people do, right? 3. Then comes the hard work of trying to fulfil the deep seated need. - How else can I satisfy this need for belonging and love? 4. Only once you have done the hard work can you then reward yourself with your Barbie room rather than pacify yourself with one. - So I should only get married when I have worked on my deep need for belonging. I think cracking that would mean satisfying a longing once and for all instead of constantly entertaining temporary cravings. Now to explain that to a four year old!