Beyond Behaviour – The “Who” Before the “How” of Resolutions

As we settle into the new year, many of us find ourselves in a strange limbo. For some, January feels like a mere continuation of December; for others, the end of the month brings a sharp realization that the previous year is truly gone. This can trigger a sense of panic.

This is known as the February-slump. It is the time of year when we actually review the past and plot our path forward. However, it’s also the moment when those "noble resolutions" begin to fade, sadly replaced by old habits. A sense of dejection often settles in as we realize we’ve already fallen off the wagon.

I have often wondered why resolutions have such a dismal success rate, especially since most people truly intend to keep them. I’ve come to believe the problem lies in the focus. Conventional resolutions usually centre on behaviour, on changing a habit or hitting a specific milestone. But habits are particularly difficult to break. Resolutions are, by nature, aspirational—they are things we wish we did, yet for some reason, we don't. We fall into the trap of hoping for a "magic wand" to come with the new year, expecting the patterns that have carried us for years to vanish simply because we’ve labelled them unwanted.

I believe if we want resolutions to stick, we need to link them to identity and purpose rather than just actions. Our identity and purpose are deeply ingrained in our psyche, they are the "springboard" from which our habits leap. If you are struggling with a recurring behaviour you don’t like, look closer at the sense of identity that enables it. Every decision you make, and every action you take, is a reflection not only of who you think you are but also of who you want others to think you are.

Social psychologist Peter Weinreich defines identity as the totality of how we see ourselves in the present, including the continuity of who we were in the past and who we aspire to be in the future.

In simpler terms: Your identity is a blend of your past, your present, and your future vision of yourself.

You weren't born with a finished identity. Your identity is an accumulation of choices, experiences, and contexts built over time. And because it was built, it can be remodelled. Identity is also fluid, it is not fixed. Therefore, you are not a victim of your current identity, you can resolve to change the very core of how you see yourself.

When you change the "who" (identity), the "how" (your behaviour and habits) will naturally follow.

As we move deeper into this year, I want to challenge you to stop looking at your to-do list and start looking at your to-be list.

If you are struggling to maintain a new habit, stop asking, "Why can’t I do this?" and start asking: “What version of myself am I protecting by keeping this old habit?”

Real change isn't about the "magic wand" of willpower. It is about the quiet, consistent decision to align your actions with the person you aspire to be. You are not stuck with the version of yourself that you ended last year with. You are a work in progress, and every choice you make today is a vote for the person you are becoming.

So, as the new year “shine” begins to wear off, don't be dejected. Instead, be curious. Take a look at your identity, refine your purpose, and remember: You aren't just changing what you do—you are choosing who you are.