My Flawed Wisdom

Two months ago I turned 50, an age I approached with both anxiety and gratitude. It is meant to be an age of wisdom, since one has lived so long. The trouble is actually believing that this is really me, at this age. So, I took a moment to reflect on 50 lessons which I have gathered over the years. Hopefully these will take me through the next decades. The list below is my attempt to capture some of these thoughts, I hope it will inspire you to reflect on your own life lessons. (For those who have been following me, this is an update to my list of 40 which I made 10 years ago.)

1. I have learnt that when people ask you how you are, they would rather you tell them about your headache than your heartache.

2. I have learnt that while sticks and stones might break your bones, harsh words will definitely break your soul.

3. I have learnt that God is not scared of nor manipulated by tears and prayers.

4. I have learnt that you need to be more deliberate when coming down than when going up.

5. I have learnt that sometimes it helps to think ‘get thee behind me satan’ when someone says something that will potentially harm my spirit.

6. I have learnt that telling people about your issues with God is no different from telling people about your issues with your spouse/partner … think carefully before you open your mouth.

7. I have learnt that God does not have to make sense, in fact if He always made sense then He would not be God.

8. I have learnt that sometimes I don’t make sense, even to myself.

9. I have learnt that I don’t always have to explain myself.

10. I have learnt that I do not have to apologise for being me.

11. I have learnt that I would rather be alive and miserable than be dead and dead.

12. I have learnt that loving, even loving one’s self, is a decision.

13. I have learnt that it is ok to say no and not give an excuse or explanation.

14. I have learnt that it is ok to not be ok.

15. I have learnt that perfection is overrated.

16. I have learnt that asking for help is more of a sign of strength than not asking for help.

17. I have learnt that loneliness can be just as devastating as heartbreak.

18. I have learnt that God does give you more than you can handle, He gives stretch targets (how else would you grow).

19. I have learnt that doing the right thing does not shield you from pain, sometimes it is even a direct cause of the pain.

20. I have learnt that people will resent you for having the guts to say or do that which they can’t.

21. I have learnt that people are not always interested in your side of the story, instead they just want to confirm their interpretation.

22. I have learnt that it is not always about me, in fact in most cases it really has nothing whatsoever to do with me, I just happen to be there.

23. I have learnt that the voices in my head do not always have my best interest at heart.

24. I have learnt that age and fat happens to most of us.

25. I have learnt that sometimes feeling sad actually feels safe purely because it feels familiar.

26. I have learnt that nothing can’t be learnt given enough time, no matter what your age is.

27. I have learnt that grey hair is great as it means you actually have hair.

28. I have learnt that having someone you can cry with is just as precious as having someone to sometimes laugh with.

29. I have learnt that people who see beyond your mask are scary and somewhat annoying but much needed.

30. I have learnt that life is a series of push or pull events, sometimes you’re fleeing away from something and sometimes you’re running towards something.

31. I have learnt that aging only sets in when you stop dancing and wrinkles become obvious only when you stop laughing.

32. I have learnt that it takes less effort to think that to not think.

33. I have learnt that while joy may come in the morning, the night can be too damn long.

34. I have learnt that at times all that people care about is that they appear to care.

35. I have learnt that people don’t think about you as much as you think they do.

36. I have learnt that at times those who hate you the most are the ones who secretly wish you liked them more.

37. I have learnt that claiming to work well under pressure is actually an admission of procrastination or poor planning.

38. I have learnt that a smile will hide much more than a frown can.

39. I have learnt that God is not responsible for many of the things attributed to Him.

40. I have learnt that while worrying may not help the situation much, it sure does make one feel busy.

41. I have learnt that sometimes its best to leave closed doors closed.

42. I have learnt that people cannot handle the pain they dish out, they do not like to be treated they way they treat others.

43. I have learnt that family is a huge testing ground for patience and forgiveness.

44. I have learnt that emotions will long outlive the event.

45. I have learnt that intellectual arguments often follow our choices rather than determine them.

46. I have learnt that choices are often more emotional than we care to admit.

47. I have learnt that not making a commitment does not shield one from consequences and accountability.

48. I have learnt that lack of understanding is not always a reflection of the absence of clarity but rather resistance to that which might threaten one’s beliefs.

49. I have learnt that at times I tend to forget that which I should remember and remember that which I should forget.

50. I have learnt that it is best to avoid generalising the exception.

51. I have learnt that as always, I don’t really know when to stop.